Wat u think: New OBEY THE BRAVE joint (ft Scott Vogel of THE TERRORS)

Published by admin on May 18th, 2012

For those who aren’t familiar, OBEY THE BRAVE is the newish srscore band featuring Alex from DESPISED ICON and some guys from BLIND WITNESS. If you lieked their first single, then you will prob be moshing to this new one, featuring Scott Vogel from TERROR:

Notes:

  • Intro/verse riff goes hard as fuk, and I’m definitely feeling this song in general. Sad 4 metalfags whose pussies will hurt because this isn’t DESPISED ICON, but I’m a hardcore bro so I welcome our new French Canadian mosh overlords.
  • Dat complete lack of dynamic range in this mix. Did they tell the engineer “The waveform should look like a solid black bar. We paid for the decibels, we might as well use em!”
  • Strong entry-level streetwear vibe: Alex’s WESC varsity jacket, and their logo banner which basically looks like a giant OBEY shirt (in b4 trademark infringement). On the positive side, that means they could just buy off-the-shelf OBEY shirts and sell them if they run out out of merch while they’re on tour and nobody would even notice.
  • Chug chant at 2:25 “THIS IS ABOUT TO GET REAL!” is p cool, but I sort of wished it was “THIS ISN’T EVEN MY FINAL FORM!”
  • I wonder what the people in the office buildings around this video shoot were thinking when they looked out the video: “Why are those vagrants on the roof next door, and why do they look so angry?? Why are there cameras? And who wears fitteds in 2012?!!”

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Are there any other good ALKALINE TRIO songs??

Published by admin on May 18th, 2012

I’m equal parts scientist and daydreamer, so I spend a lot of time thinking about experiments I would do if I had unlimited time, budget and staff. There are just so many questions that need to be answered! Like, what if we went around with tranquilizer guns and darted every chubby girl with low-self esteem, rolled them over and inspected their blubbery, pale underbelly: how many would have an ALKALINE TRIO tattoo on their hip or forearm?? I want to say it would be at least 70%, but without data I would only be guessing!

I’m not a fat girl with low self-esteem, so I’ve never really been able to get why they all love ALKALINE TRIO so much. But if a lot of other people like something, I try my hardest to like it or at least understand why they do. I’ve skimmed through the ALK 3 catalog a few times over the years a couple times, and I can only find two songs I like, although to be fair I absolutely LOVE both of these:

If there is a pop-punk regretcore hall of fame, “Stupid Kid” is definitely a first-round inductee. It’s basically like if “What’s My Age Again” was written by the poor kid who lived in a trailer with his alcoholic single mom, instead of well-adjusted kids who grew up in Poway with their happily-married parents. I like to think that instead of being about a girl, “Remember when I said I love you? Well forget it, I take it back” is self-directed.

“Take Lots With Alcohol” approaches MOTION CITY SOUNDTRACK levels of self-loathing, dark lyrics masked by catchy, upbeat pop-punk. Entry-levelers might mistake this for whiny beta-ness, but if you are an advanced-level student of self-destructive behavior and genuine depression you can tell this song is the product of an authentic fuckup who hates himself.

Did I shortchange ALK 3? Are there any other songs that I’m missing out on? Will I liek them even tho I’m not a chubby girl who cries herself to sleep???

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Love advice: THE FADEOUT, or breaking up with girls the right way

Published by admin on May 18th, 2012

This is a great question in its own right, but also brings up a larger point about one of the biggest mistakes that younger brahs make.

P much every romcom or teen movie includes some scene in which the guy ‘pours his heart out’ to the bish, confessing that he’s always loved her, she ‘is his everything’, etc etc etc. Or it could be the opposite side of the coin, and they have an intense, tearful exchange where he says ‘it’s just not working for him.’ Either way, thanks to movies and TV, a lot of dudes think that the best way to address a bish-related situation is by confronting it head-on and telling her exactly how he feels. THIS COULD NOT BE MORE WRONG!

PROTIP: Do not try this at home

It is almost always a horrible idea to have a ‘srs talk’ about stuff, unless it’s your absolute last resort. Taking the ‘srs talk’ route because it worked for Ryan Gosling in a movie is like fighting 3 guys with baseball bats in an alley because Batman looked cool when he did it: that shit only works in movies, bro. IRL, bishes are too emotional to handle directness, and the ‘srs talk’ will quickly become a shitstorm of tears and anger.

Getting back to the original question, anon is wise to be concerned. As some old guy said, “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned,” especially when crazy bishes are concerned. Since their primary motivation in lief is getting validated by getting as much male attention as possible, they react especially badly when they feel dissed and rejected. The ‘srs talk’ approach (in which you sit the crazy bish down and tell her you’re not into her) is almost certain to blow up in your face. She could stalk you, blow up your phone for weeks, fuck with your job, or just act so insane that you’re always looking over your shoulder when you’re out at the bar because you know if she shows up it will be shitstorm of drama/10.

This is a hilarious exchange but the better move would be to not respond until the next morning, then just reply with a simple “lol you were wasted.” This way she won’t feel dissed or embarrassed, which means she is 75% less likely to do something insane and dramatic.

You need to let her down one little piece at a time, rather than in one fell swoop. The best tactic here is the fadeout, which is essentially just slowly tapering off all contact with her. Don’t suddenly quit hanging out, just start flaking on plans here and there. Don’t reply to all of her texts, and respond slowly to the ones you do reply to. Over the course of a week or two, she’ll get the point. And if she tries to confront you about it (“Are you trying to get rid of me?!!”) just dodge the question in a charming way: “Pffff you know I love you *insincere smile*” Eventually she’ll either get the hint or be so annoyed with you that she just doesn’t want you anymore, and you’re off the hook with a minimal amount of drama!

Finally, this is also the best way to end things with a nice girl. It’s way easier on them to think “IDK, we just kinda stopped talking, whatever” than “WTF he like sat me down and told me he didn’t want to see me anymore! What’s wrong with me?!”

 

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lookin for a group to expand wit (cedar rapids)

Published by admin on May 17th, 2012

“I’m not a faggot I only listen to rap not any of that metal or country bullshit” – ya boi Kay-J

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MILLIONAIRES have a new song with KREAYSHAWN on it, wat u think??

Published by admin on May 17th, 2012

Not sure how or why this happened, but it did. My thoughts:

  • Song is p crappy other than my bb KREAY’s part, feel like I could srs do better if you gave me a weekend to work on it :(
  • I was going to say that if they make a video for this, my boner will prob explode, but then I remembered Melissa has grose hand and neck tattoos now, which reduced my boner to a semi :(
  • MILLIONAIRES should stick to making cutesy pop songs in which they ride the line between sweeties and sluts, which they are extremely good at. When they try to be ‘edgy and show that they can rly rap,’ they do not have the ability :(
  • Always felt like they had the charisma and image to be semi-big (where that is defined as ‘doing a tour with T-MILLS that 65% fills up 250-cap venues that ABANDON ALL SHIPS headline at), but their achilles heel has always been their super inconsistent, mostly wack production. Sad 4 ur inability to find good producers to work with, bbs. NO TWOSTACKS? NOT MUSIC :(

wat u think?????

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LIFE ADVICE: How to be friends with criminals and scumbags

Published by admin on May 17th, 2012

Although I’ve never even been arrested, I happen to know 4 people in prison for murder (one of whom is my aunt), have 5 or 6 uncles who are felons, and know a zillion other people who for whatever reason are essentially career criminals. I’m not sure why, but I’ve always been a magnet for fuckups, scumbags and criminals, and I count some of them as my best friends. That said, you are right to be a little leery and sketched out. Here’s my take on being friends with scary criminals:

They can turn on you at any time, for no apparent reason
Think of these kind of friends as having a pet tiger: chances are everything will be fine, but there’s always a possibility that one day it will decide to maul you half to death. No matter how tight you are with them, shit can go south any time with these types, especially when drugs are involved (eg, they’re strung out, need a fix, or are so high they don’t know what the fuck is happening). Do not ever let yourself think “They only do fucked up shit to OTHER people, they’d never do anything to ME.”

If you are thinking “Hanging out with these guys seems like a great way to accidentally ruin my life,” you are correct (and I’m sure they would agree).

You can very easily end up in over your head
Let’s say your scumbag friend asks you for a ride to the store, because of course he doesn’t have a car. You’re in a hurry so you’re speeding a little, get pulled over and the cops find drugs and guns on your friend. All of sudden you get charged with a felony or two, your car gets impounded, and your life just burned down. Or the cops show up at his tattoo shop and he asks you to hold his gun– you can’t really say no, but now you might be in possession of a murder weapon. Even if the charges get dropped, having drug or gun arrests on your record can follow you for years. Point being, it’s playing with fire to hang out with these people and you might get burned.

They can be great friends
Given how risky and fucked up it can be to have criminal friends, why bother? Although the smart choice is probably NOT to hang out with these types, the ironic part is that they can be some of the best friends you could wish for: super chill, fun, loyal and always good for ridiculous stories.

Trying to impress these guys with how ‘down’ you are = chapter one in the book of incredibly foolish ideas. No matter how convinced you are that you can hang at their level, you are wrong. And it will end badly.

Dont try to be down
The important part is to make sure you set boundaries, and let them know that although you’re friends, you are on a different path. The best way to end up caught up in some shit is trying to impress them, because impressing them means doing something really fucking stupid. Just think of their criminal activity as a hobby they spend a lot of time on, which is totally cool to hear about, you’re just not interested in participating. It won’t make them respect you more if you try to be down– in fact, just the opposite: if you have your shit together but are still hang out scumbags even though aren’t one, they’ll respect you a lot more.

Always have an ‘escape route’
Given that things can get fucked up in an instant when you’re with these guys, make sure you always have an out. That could be as literal as not letting them be your only ride to a super sketchy party, or something more general like “Dude, you know I can’t get kicked out of school” when they ask you to help them sell Xanax on campus or something.

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Exclusive DISFIGURING THE GODDESS contest: win a guest vocal spot on the next DTG album!

Published by admin on May 15th, 2012

That’s right kids, you heard it first, right here: our bro BIG CHOCOLATE aka DISFIGURING THE GODDESS is giving you a chance to drop a guest vocal on the next DTG album in this exclusive contest! Watch the video above for details, but the rules are p simple:

  • Purchase/otherwise obtain the new DISFIGURING THE GODDESS album, which includes instrumental versions of all the songs (buy the CD here /// get on iTunes here // see video for instructions on piracy)
  • Make a video of yourself doing something awesome with the songs! It can be a cover, a complete remake, a tightly choreographed dance routine that should have been in “YOU GOT SERVED,” or anything else as long as it’s awesome. ACTING THE FOOL IS ENCOURAGED and awesomeness is the #1 judging criteria!!
  • Post a link to your video in the comments to this post and/or video replies on Youtube
  • Your video will be reviewed by our panel of EXCLUSIVE CELEBRITY JUDGES: DJ TWOSTACKS, producer of Kreayshawn “Gucci Gucci” // Shiv The Impaler of  7 HORNS 7 EYES // Jonathan Carpenter of THE CONTORTIONIST, Nate Johnson of FIT FOR AN AUTOPSY/PREMONITIONS OF WAR // Brendon Small, creator of METALOCALYPSE
  • The winner will get a GUEST VOCAL SPOT on the next DTG album! That’s right, you will be INTERNET FAMOUS!!!! Runners up will get $50 and $25 merch cards, which is p cool too.
  • Submissions are due by MAY 30th, and winners will be selected by JUNE 15

What are you waiting for?? Make a video already! Then when you’re done, make another one!! And don’t forget to BE AWESOME!.

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SYWH Podcast 12: internet-famous skram rapper KITTY PRYDE

Published by admin on May 15th, 2012

U mirin Kitty’s DEFEND TR00 SKRAM button??

If you are a nerdy white dude who has a thing for really young, petite indie girls with large vocabularies, you are probably already a huge fan of Youtube rapper KITTY PRYDE. As if creepy betas needed any more reasons to be madly in love with her (as you all are, if the srs 100+ texts I have gotten about her are any indication), it turns out that she is not only a SYWH reader but also reps skramz (every beta’s favorite subgenre)! Who knew?? On this episode of the SYWHCast, SYWH correspondent and skram emperor ALEX BIGMAN chatted with her and her skram boyfriend that says Alex is his idol (srs).

Her debut video for you to fawn over. Maybe once she gets mnstrm-famous she will get me as much search traffic as KREAYSHAWN does!

Subscribe to the SYWHCast in iTunes // Holler at Kitty on Twitter and tell her SYWH sent you!

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Let’s Talk About Why the ‘Friend Zone’ is Bullshit

Published by admin on May 14th, 2012

If you understand this, congratulations! just go straight to the comments!

The “Friend Zone“, coined by the popular TV show Friends, apparently about a group of people living in their own zone, is generally used as a term to described a friendship between two people where one of them thinks they should fuck and other one is totally not into that. In popular culture it’s discussed all the time, including in a pretty sweet Ryan Reynold’s movie with a weak ending, if you can even watch that far without getting lost in his eyes. Seriously.

But there seems to be a huge misconception about what is really happening here. Most ‘nice guys‘ hate having to be someone’s friend when their only interest was banging, and then get all pissed at the girl. And probably perfectly fine girls get shit on for not dating what is probably a really whiny/annoying/ugly dude just cause he hangs around all the time. The friend zone is thought of as a prison for guys with a lady warden, when really its just sad betas fucking up their lives, being bitter, and pretending to be nice guys cause they’re mad they got rejected. Let’s talk about some FACTS to keep you from ending up where you don’t want to be!

1. You Can Only Friend Zone Yourself

This happens quick, be ready! (luv u RR <3)

This is incredibly important to understand, and it should be taught in middle school. If you are Friend Zoned it is 100% the fault of your own, and you can’t blame anyone else. Doesn’t matter what you do, how you are perceived by others is not their problem.  You really gotta make some moves from the get go, so you can see if their is any hope for a relationship (or casual sex), or at least become an option down the road if you stick around. But if those moves don’t work you gotta take your rejection as an opportunity for personal growth, instead of getting all pissed at the lady rejecting you, cause its not her fault for not being into you.

Some dudes get it into their head that they’re really nice to a girl she’ll just fuck them, which really on paper doesn’t sound like a practice that makes any sense. So they just spend all their time piling on compliments and favors in a futile attempt to be seen as not a friend (when they’re really just being a really good friend) and then blame the girl for never being attracted to them from the start. If someone thinks you’re their friend and you want to date, they don’t have to, and most likely they do not want to. You can’t hang out with a group of girls every Saturday night and then blame them when no one wants to have an orgy. Why would your friends suddenly just want to fuck in a big pile? You do that with your Craigslist friends who responded to the orgy post. Friends don’t do shit like that, and if you don’t like it, good news!

2. Friendship is Like, Totally Voluntary

“When a guy agrees to be friends, he’s forced to stifle his attraction while regularly seeing and talking to the woman he’s attracted to. She discusses her love life and has the audacity to ask his advice on it. He performs occasional “manly” household and automotive favors for the women. Essentially, he does everything a boyfriend would do – without the benefits.”

—Some broad on wikipedia

What kind of fucked up friendship is that? ‘Hey man, I’mma force you to do all these things for me while I bitch about some dude and then leave because I am clearly just using you for free favors.’ But don’t blame her for taking advantage of the situation, no one has a gun to the dude’s head. You don’t have to go over to some girl with a boyfriend’s place to move her piano whenever she calls, you can literally go do anything else. If you want to help someone out go for it man, but don’t get all pissy when you don’t get a blowjob, you knew that shit wasn’t coming when you drove over there. All time and effort wasted is your bad, shoulda known better man.

If you don’t want to be someone’s friend, then don’t, totally not hard. If they ain’t interested its always best to get over it and move the fuck on. If you just want to fuck them and don’t like them as a person stop responding to their shit, most likely they won’t really care that much anyway. All for doing favors for friends, but if you gotta a shitty friend who asks for shit all the time but ‘can’t find their phone’ whenever you need some help, might be time to cut some friends, even if you totally thought you were gonna get some that one time.

3. Forced Relationships are a Bad Idea

So you miss the dating opportunity, but you don’t want to break off contact with the girl, now you got a friendship. Its great having friends of the opposite sex (or same sex, what up gay bros), and actually its a little weird if you don’t. Usually when people fuck up their friendships with ladies, its cause they’re forcing a relationship that has no place there. If there’s a mutual attraction tho, go for it. Not guaranteed to work of course but a lot people get in great relationships this way. Worst case scenario you lose one friend, and you can avoid that by not fucking each other over and going into a bad break up. This isn’t that big of a deal.

But its pretty easy to tell when the other person is not into you, and that situation its important to not force a relationship. Find someone who is into you and keep your friend around. When they’re not into it and you try to force a relationship just ’cause you really want it’, you’re probably just gonna creep ‘em out and create a really awkward situation that does not need to exist. Rule of thumb, if you can’t get at least get a friends with benefits scenario going (the living together before marriage of dating a friend), should probably give up on the girl. Their are literally billions of others. Know your role, if you friendzoned yourself and are fine with it, have fun with your friend and don’t get hung up on her. If you don’t want a friend, you just gotta get over the girl, move on, and quit wasting your life complaining about some sex you was never gonna get. Its sad man.

DON'T LET IT HAPPEN TO YOU

Don’t you hate dudes complaining about friendzoning? Do you feel for hot chicks with a ton of friendbros bugging them all the time that will never get it? Do you have any chill lady friends or friends with benefits (brofist)? Shouldn’t that Ryan Reynolds movie have ended with him not marrying that girl, realizing they were never friends cause he was just obsessed with her and that’s what she’s doing now and then they start an actual friendship while he goes on to bang tons of hot actresses?

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SYWH Podcast 11: Evan Henkel of FIGHT FAIR

Published by admin on May 14th, 2012

Miss u, easycore-era FIGHT FAIR :(

I’m a pretty hardcore racist, but one group I’ve always liked is the Jews. After all, they are the people to thank for everything from bagels and Natalie Portman to ZOG and 9/11! For this edition of the SYWHCast, I rounded up two of my favorite Jews: my cohost ShawnYouWillHate and our guest Evan Henkel of FIGHT FAIR. We chatted about the latest news in the music world (bet you kant wait to hear Evan’s thoughts on the track listing for the new MEMPHIS MAY FIRE album), did a little Loveline-style advice segment, and sucking a baby’s dick when you circumcise him (srs).

Check out Evan’s new video series WAITING ROOM (moar liek bating room amirite?!) and follow him on Twitter! DEFEND EASYCORE // RIP EASYCORE.

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